Sometimes i wonder why i feel this way. Sometimes i wonder why i hold myself back. Sometimes i wonder about certain consequences in life.

Sometimes i wonder whether things are real. Sometimes i wonder if certain people actually care. Sometimes i wonder why things happen. Sometimes i wonder why i feel betrayed. Sometimes i wonder why.

Sometimes i wonder that maybe the only thing holding us back is that voice inside our head. Sometimes i wonder why i talk to myself.

Sometimes when i think back, whenever i cook for someone, that person will eventually end up out of my life. Sometimes I should cook more often.

But... sometimes i just don't give a shit.

Why do I even bother. You're lying to yourself. Keep doing it. I sincerely hope you die along the way and realize it beyond death because by then you will still not find peace and you will forever rot in hell for being just the way you are.

So

It's been 3 years since i logged into this barren wasteland of endless idiotic thoughts.

I'd like to think that my existence has made a substantial difference in my life so far, but boy am i wrong. In every sense of the word.

What are you really thinking. Really.

The truth is, there is nothing on my mind. It's blank. But for every blank canvas lies a surface to be tainted with blood. Why stop at blood. Taint it even further with the harsh realities of life and the bitter element of tragedy that falls upon every miserable living creature on this planet today.

I am living on that planet today. I am that miserable creature.


I am miserable.